Movie Review: "Piranha 3D"

Seen on: August 20, 2010

The players: Director: Alexandre Aja, Writers: Pete Goldfinger, Josh Stolberg, Cast: Steven R. McQueen, Jerry O'Connell, Kelly Brook, Elisabeth Shue

Facts of interest: Aja also helmed "The Hills Have Eyes."

The plot: Ruthless piranhas invade a lake taken over by college folks celebrating Spring Break. So yeah... hell breaks loose.

Our thoughts: Boobs! Boobs! They’re all over Alexandre Aja’s “Piranha 3D,” a mostly entertaining but still utterly moronic horror flick that features tons of weird CGI killer fish turning hot bodies into countless mutilated corpses. No, it’s not exactly a disastrous flick, but then again, it’s not a masterpiece either. It’s nothing but silly summer fun that does the job but could in fact be a whole lot better.

So, here’s what happens in the film. After an underwater earthquake unleashes a massive pack of prehistoric piranhas that start killing horny college students celebrating Spring Break on a lake, a small group of people must team up to battle for survival and find a way to get rid of the ruthless man-eating predators. I know it doesn’t sound like an intriguing plot, but that’s it in terms of story.

“Piranha 3D” isn’t really suspenseful either. It successfully delivers a couple of decent shock moments every now and then, but overall, the movie is just too busy showing either swinging butts or bleeding bodies. I know this doesn’t sound too original, but in a way, it’s exactly what turns this thing into a more or less enjoyable experience. At least in terms of gore, the film sure keeps its promise.  

As I mentioned already, the computer-generated piranhas don’t look that convincing, but the 3D effect certainly works to the flick’s advantage. It’s not the best 3D I’ve seen recently, but it sure boosts the intensity of the film’s handful of cool underwater visuals and a few decently coordinated scenes of piranha mayhem. Did I mention it’s overloaded with severed limbs, bloody heads and slashed breasts?

Needless to say, if that’s what you’re looking for this weekend, then “Piranha 3D” will certainly satisfy you. Aja knows what it takes to deliver fast-paced horror action, and he definitely gets the job done in that department. I just wish there was something else I could like about it. Okay, the soundtrack is good and the acting isn’t bad either, but looking at it from a broader perspective, the film still lacks bite.

Speaking of the acting, what is up with Jerry O’Connell? He’s got one of the dumbest characters in a movie ever, but to be honest, he’s good at playing the jerky Derrick Jones, who heads to the piranha-infested lake to shoot some stuff for his own version of “Girls Gone Wild.” Kelly Brook stars as one of the girls showing skin, and yeah, she definitely looks hot on the big screen.

The rest of the characters are forgettable, one reason being the story is too thin for us to even care about any of them. Elisabeth Sue plays a convincing cop, while Steven R. McQueen, Adam Scott, Ving Rhames and Jessica Szohr round up the so-so cast.

Freaky quote: "The piranha hunt in packs. The first bite draws blood, blood draws the pack." - Christopher Lloyd

The final word: “Piranha 3D” is pulling some solid reviews around the Web, but I can’t share all those positive feelings. It’s not a crappy film, but it’s not a good one either. It’s definitely stupid all the way, but that’s how some folks like it. Even though I’m not entirely sold, I still admit it can be kind of cool to watch thousands of piranhas destroy happy college kids. To a certain extent, at least…

Article by Franck Tabouring