Movie Review: "Jonah Hex"

Seen on: June 18, 2010

The players: Director: Jimmy Hayward, Writers: Neveldine & Taylor, Cast: Josh Brolin, Megan Fox, John Malkovich

Facts of interest: Hayward also helmed "Horton Hears a Who!"

The plot: Jonah Hex is a badass bounty hunter chasing down the worst bad guy ever: John Malkovich.

Our thoughts: “Jonah Hex” is a bloody mess of a movie. It’s an utterly chaotic big-screen adventure lacking a decent story and intriguing characters, and the whole film just feels like it was rushed without any passion or attention to detail. On top of that, it’s also a boring flick, and this despite its short 80-minute running time.

In terms of story, there’s not much to say, primarily because the plot of “Hex” is as messy as it is shallow. Ever since the brutal murder of his wife and kid by the ruthless Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich), Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) is touring the country as a scarred bounty hunter killing off every bad guy he can find.

Running from the law, Hex is one day approached by a bunch of military men, who beg him to once again go after Turnbull in exchange for this freedom. With nothing to loose, Hex embarks on a mission to track down and eliminate Turnbull before the latter can execute his evil plan and destroy the country’s government for good.

Trust me, it doesn’t look as cool as it sounds. Sure, “Jonah Hex” is filled with loud explosions and quick shoot-outs, but in terms of suspense, this movie sucks. The action gets repetitive after five minutes as well, and the pauses between the more energetic segments drag on forever. Oh yeah, and it’s rated PG-13. Lame.

Truth be told, this movie desperately needs some blood or something. The script was written by the team of Neveldine & Taylor, the guys behind the cool “Crank” flicks. I appreciate their ability to create superb action, but this time, they really disappointed me. Nothing in “Hex” is remotely gripping or innovative.

As far as acting performances are concerned, everybody involved looks good, even though they don’t get the chances the need to really deliver the goods. Brolin is okay as Hex, but nobody cares about his character. Then there’s Megan Fox, who looks hot but gets to play a whore. She does her job well enough though…

Other than that, there’s nothing to discover here. Hex travel around shooting bad guys while Malkovich prepares for his evil plan, and before we know it, the two face off in a rather lame showdown. There is potential in this thing for sure, but the way this adaptation was handled is just wrong. I don’t know whom to blame. Who cares anyway?

Freaky quote: "I cut myself shavin'..." - Josh Brolin

The final word: Megan Fox fans will get something in return for their money, but that’s about it I guess. “Hex” failed to impress me, and to be honest, I’ve already forgotten about it. I guess it was worth a shot, but the filmmakers missed. Let Jonah talk to the dead, but tell him to leave us alone. There’s better stuff out there...

Article by Franck Tabouring