Seen on: January 22, 2010

The players: Director: Scott Stewart, Writers: Peter Schink, Scott Stewart, Cast: Paul Bettany, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson, Adrianne Palicki, Charles S. Dutton

Facts of interest: None!

The plot: God is pissed at the humans, so he sends angels to finish them off. The only hope humanity has left is an unborn baby that needs serious protection...

Our thoughts: If you ever wanted to see an angel battle other angels with a ton of machine guns on the big screen, here is your chance. Scott Stewart’s action flick “Legion” is about as ridiculous as a film of this genre can get, but unfortunately, it lacks the fun and fast pace that could’ve actually make it a better movie.

So get this. God has lost his faith in humanity because he’s sick and tired of all the bullshit the humans deal with on Earth. As a response, he pretty much sends his army of angels down to the planet to wreak havoc and kill everybody they come across. Meanwhile, humanity’s only hope is an unborn baby.

That unborn baby rests in the belly of Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), a waitress at a small diner located in the middle of the desert. As God’s extermination heats up, Charlie and her lovely entourage at the diner get help from Michael (Paul Bettany), an angel who decided to stop following God’s orders and save humanity instead.

Still with me? Anyway, Michael believes this child is the key to stop the apocalypse, and before he knows it, he and his new human pals (including Dennis Quaid, Tyrese Gibson, Charles S. Dutton, Willa Holland and Lucas Black, among others) are loading a bunch of heavy machine guns to kick some serious angel ass.

Some of this may actually sound intriguing in one way or the other, but beware! “Legion” promises some serious action, but in the end, the explosive sequences are unfortunately kept to a minimum. Instead, the plot attempts to develop its main characters, a move that eventually ends up failing miserably.

The central story of “Legion” is obviously ridiculous and thin to say the least, but what amused me most was the dialogue, which is so comic at times, I actually caught myself laughing out loud a couple of times. In fact, the movie works way better as a comedy than an action piece about God’s war on the silly, irresponsible humans.

Besides some angel battle action, the film offers a horde of crazy moments and characters, including a possessed granny jumping all over the ceiling, a small kid threatening folks with a knife and freaky voice, exploding bodies, angels with bulletproof wings, and of course a whole lot of mediocre special effects.

The acting is bad, really, but I got some joy out of listening to Dennis Quaid with a heavy accent. Bettany is the serious lead throughout, and I think he’s the only one making his role work to a certain extent. Other than that, there’s not much to discover in “Legion,” which ends up being more boring than entertaining.

Freaky quote: "You were always so eager to please Him." - Paul Bettany

The final word: Seize the opportunity and be good before God kicks you in the butt; that’s pretty much what the film tells us (that is, if you believe in religion and sorts). I’m kind of sick and tired of these flicks for a while, and to be honest, I was relieved when “Legion” finally came to an end.

Article by Franck Tabouring