Ten Worst Films of 2009
Franck Tabouring
Yes, the year 2009 is history, so it's time for me to pick the films I hated most. Unfortunately, I've seen many terrible films this year, which makes it all too easy to find the 10 flicks I couldn't stand at all in '09.
It is a sad truth, but the quantity of lame movies always overpowers the selection of good films each year, and 2009 was no different. Hence, I found myself thinking about leaving the theater more than once.
Films such as "Bride Wars," "Shorts," "Whiteout" and "New in Town" were really painful to watch, yes, but to be honest, I encountered a whole bunch of flicks that were far worse. Enjoy the selection below.
10. THE STEPFATHER
What a sucker! "The Stepfather" is one of those unnecessary remakes desperately trying to scare audiences. Alas, this one pretty much fails at everything. It's utterly predictable and filled with stupid dialogue and cheap scares, most of which are more laughable than entertaining. Plus, the acting is terrible and the plot lacks any kind of excitement that could have boosted the film's entertainment value.
9. MISS MARCH
Yeah, this is that crappy movie about two losers heading to the Playboy mansion to win over a chick's heart. It's a repulsive film, really, and like many raunchy comedies out there, it tries to be funny by delivering one disgusting joke after another. I mean, in one of the film's scenes, a total idiot stabs his girfriend because she's having a convulsion while giving him a blowjob. Enough said.
8. FIRED UP!
In this tasteless failure, two guys head to cheer camp to bang a lot of chicks. Nah, I won't even go there. You get the picture: this one stinks big time.
7. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS
This is most likely the worst film Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker have ever done. Empty, dull and incredibly stupid, this disaster of a romantic comedy follows the two star actors as they jump around like brainless monkeys in Wyoming. From a cliched story to bad jokes and all the way to a predictable plot and a lack of romance, this mess of a film couldn't get any worse.
6. ALL ABOUT STEVE
Sandra Bullock did a great job in "The Proposal" last year, but "All About Steve" is one of those films you don't even want to know about. In this comedy, Bullock plays a young woman who acts like a total retard. Oh, and before I forget, she also spends the entire movie stalking Bradley Cooper's character Steve, a brainless cameraman who doesn't know how to handle a hysterical chick. Bullock's annoying character alone completely ruins this one.
5. THE PINK PANTHER 2
The first "Pink Panther" totally sucked, and so did the sequel. Steve Martin certainly isn't funny at all in the role as Jacques Clouseau, and the script is probably among the worst to ever make it to the big screen. This kind of film is quite simply a massive insult to all of us. It is also a film that may seriously endanger your children. Don't let them see this!
4. MY LIFE IN RUINS
What the hell happened to Nia Vardalos? She sure did an amazing job in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," but in "My Life in Ruins," she completely tanks. She has absolutely no business being in this lame comedy, and I still don't understand why she signed up for this mess in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, this film totally ruined two hours of my life.
3. LAND OF THE LOST
"Land of the Lost" is undoubtedly the most boring film I saw in 2009. No really... I can't remember when I last saw a film this dreadful in terms of pacing. Will Ferrell obviously tries to be hilarious in the role of a crazy scientist travelling to a parallel dimension, but the humor just doesn't work. There's absolutely nothing adventurous about this so-called adventure comedy.
2. ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE SQUEAKQUEL
No comment.
1. OBSESSED
I took some heat from angry readers who are in love with Beyonce and adore every single thing she does, but guess what: I couldn't care less. "Obsessed" is the worst film of the year, and in my book, it's even one of the worst flicks of the decade. Moronic at best, this wannabe thriller fails on every level. The plot drags on forever, the characters are mostly incompetent, and the dialogue in this film is laughable at best. I’m often willing to suspend my disbelief for the sake of entertainment, but this is just plain ridiculous.
Almost made the cut: Bride Wars, The Uninvited, The Unborn, New in Town, The Haunting in Connecticut, Dragonball: Evolution, Year One, The Collector, Shorts, Whiteout, Sorority Row, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Ong Bak 2, Everybody's Fine, Ninja Assassin
Reader Comments (1)
We are so lucky...as most of these horrors never made it to Luxembourg. But then again, you missed out on some really horrific French horrors, too...