Movie Review: “All About Steve”

Seen on: September 1, 2009

The players: Director: Phil Traill, Writer: Kim Barker, Cast: Sandra Bullock, Thomas Haden Church, Bradley Cooper, Ken Jeong, D.J. Qualls

Facts of interest: Sandra Bullock also produced "All About Steve."

The plot: Sandra Bullock plays a woman who stalks a cameraman after she's convinced he's the love of her life.

Our thoughts: Sandra Bullock was a real charm when we saw her last in the recent romantic comedy “The Proposal,” but her character and performance in Phil Traill’s “All About Steve” really made me want to kick her. To be honest, it takes great patience to sit through this misfiring movie without literally going crazy, and that’s exactly why I strongly urge you to stay away from this one.

Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a talented Sacramento crossword puzzle constructor who’s an absolute champion at getting on everybody’s nerves in a matter of seconds. Her mouth works like a machine gun and she never shuts up, and although she clearly knows her work and can easily come up with the perfect word for anything, her continuous babble irritates more than it entertains.

In other words, Mary acts like a hyperactive kid most of the time, and that’s certainly one of the main reasons she’s single and still living with her parents. So, in an effort to get her out of the house and force her to at least consider having a life of her own, Mary’s mom sets her up on a blind date with Steve (Bradley Cooper), a handsome CCN cameraman who hasn’t yet found the right one either.

Anyway, the two quickly meet, and while Mary immediately falls head over heels for Steve, Steve doesn’t quite feel the same way. Mary, however, is convinced Steve is her one true love, and to show him how much she really cares about him, she decides to follow him all across the country to wherever he’s sent to cover breaking news stories…

If you’re wondering whether Bullock acts like a mad stalker for the rest of the movie, you’re absolutely right. Mary does whatever it takes to be as close to Steve as possible, and watching her do so for nearly 100 minutes is nothing short of a painful experience. I’ve seen a lot of terrible movies lately, but I can’t recall being this annoyed by just the lead character.

I probably wouldn’t care as much about Mary’s moronic behavior if she had at least something funny or interesting to say here and there, but there’s nothing about her personality that is really charming. Plus, who would want to put a good-looking 45-year-old actress in terrifyingly ugly leather boots and have her run beside a van for almost an entire mile?

Well, that’s exactly what she’s doing to keep up with her Stevie boy, and I could list at least a dozen other scenes in “All About Steve” that made me cringe. I know this is hard to believe after all I’ve said up to this point, but I wanted to mention that the movie does occasionally boast a funny moment. Unsurprisingly, Bullock is nowhere to be seen in those select sequences.

Cooper, Thomas Haden Church (who plays a reporter) and funny man Ken Jeong (also part of Cooper’s CCN team) share some refreshing moments, and while none of them are memorable, they do bring along a few minutes of relief. Most of their dialogue is just as simplistic as the material Bullock is supplied with, but at least they don’t come across as ultra-annoying, and that’s definitely a win in this flick.

“All About Steve” is a film that comes with a bunch of formulaic dialogue, and while there is certainly some truth to the messages the film wants to communicate to its audience, it’s presented in the most cheesy, ridiculous way. I won’t even bother going into detail here, but there are more exciting ways to tell people they should stay true to themselves and not change themselves for anybody out there.

Freaky quote: "Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!" – Sandra Bullock

The final word: I could go on and on, but it’s simply not worth it. “All About Steve” fails to deliver the fun and charm of “The Proposal” and other solid recent comedies, and as far as Bullock is concerned, she’s definitely not at the top of her game her. Then again, there is only so much you can do with a character this messed up. Occasional laugh aside, this is a “Steve” you don’t want to meet.

 Article by Franck Tabouring