Seen on: September 12, 2009

The players: Director: Stewart Hendler, Writers: Josh Stolberg, Pete Goldfinger, Cast: Briana Evigan, Leah Pipes, Rumer Willis, Jamie Chung, Carrie Fisher

Facts of interest: Remake of "The House on Sorority Row."

The plot: When a stupid prank goes horribly wrong, a bunch of sorority sisters are hunted by a ruthless killer.

Our quick thoughts: To be honest with you, Stewart Hendler’s “Sorority Row” works much better as a comedy than a slasher film. I mean, some of the things these crazy chicks are saying and the ways they are behaving throughout the movie are just way more entertaining and hilarious than all the mindless bloodshed. Everything else, by the way, is utterly crappy.

“Row” is a flick I definitely detested, but I admit it was still better paced than the rest of this weekend’s releases (except for “9”). This is a film you know exactly what to expect from before you head out to the theater, so if you enjoy watching a bunch of girls who act like total bitches fall victim to a ruthless killer, this one’s for you.

If you’ve seen the trailers, you know where the story is heading as well. A group of sorority girls decide to play a prank on an unfaithful guy by making his girlfriend play dead. Sadly for them, the boy instantly freaks out and ends up killing her for real. And no, he doesn’t think about looking for her heartbeat first.

Anyway, they all decide to get rid of the body and keep their mouth shut about the whole thing, until eight months later, a mysterious killer shows up in town and starts going after everyone who either was involved in or knows about the deadly prank. That’s pretty much it… now you can go have fun… or not.

There are not a lot of things I liked about “Sorority Row,” and that doesn’t surprise me much. The film feels just like something we have seen way too many times already, and its plot has absolutely nothing remotely suspenseful to offer. Sure, one or two moments in there feel a tad intense, but that’s it already. Don’t expect any vibrant surprises.

The few thrills the movie carries are cheap and rather inefficient, but at least some of the killings are fun to watch, I guess. “Row” is not as brutal as I thought, but we sure get our share of bloody moments. The final third of the film is worse than the previous two, and answer to the question of who the bad guy is disappointing.

Most of the lead characters have more boob than brain, and they obviously make plenty of stupid decisions. I know you can’t expect anything more from this kind of horror films, but it still annoys me. The dialogue stinks as well, although I admit the utterly bitchy behavior of some of these girls provides at least a few laughs here and there.

I won’t waste much time talking performances, because there really aren’t any. If you do end up seeing the movie though, play attention to Carrie Fisher in the role of the sorority’s housemother. She’s definitely got the best lines in the movie, and she’s onscreen for less than five minutes.

Freaky quote: "Please God, don't let me get killed." – Leah Pipes

The final word: Hendler’s direction works and the fast editing helps the plot progress as well, but that’s it for the good things in “Sorority Row.” Primitive, monotonous and unoriginal, this is a movie that failed to offer me any solid entertainment in return for my money. I certainly can’t recommend this one.

Article by Franck Tabouring