Movie Review: “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
Friday, August 7, 2009 at 6:28PM | By Franck Tabouring 
Seen on: August 7, 2009
The players: Director: Stephen Sommers, Writers: Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett, Cast: Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Ray Park, Rachel Nichols
Facts of interest: Sommers also directed "The Mummy," its sequel, and "Van Helsing."
The plot: An elite team of soldiers heads out to prevent a ruthless weapons manufacturer from launching three destructive missiles.
Our thoughts: Stephen Sommers’ “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” could easily qualify as one of the year’s most ridiculous films. It’s certainly not the worst I’ve seen so far in 2009, but it’s undoubtedly one of the most incredibly absurd and mostly forgettable action flicks in recent history. On the bright side, it’s not as disastrous as it could’ve been.
What can I say? If you’ve seen the previews for the film, you kind of already know what to expect. “G.I. Joe” consists entirely of brainless action sequences driven mostly by massive explosions and countless shoot-outs, and if that’s on your movie wish list this weekend, I’m sure you’ll find this spectacle quite enjoyable to watch.
Walk in with any higher expectations, however, and you may leave the theater disappointed, because beneath the enormous amount of so-so action the flick delivers during its dragging 118 minutes, there’s absolutely nothing remotely memorable to discover in “Rise of Cobra.”
Several attempts at light humor mostly fail, the majority of the dialogue tanks, and the little character development there is stinks as well. As far as the look of the film is concerned, some action moments look decent enough, although most of the CGI looks downright cheap.
Even though “Cobra” is by no means suspenseful, a few fast-paced scenes did manage to engage me a bit. A huge Paris chase involving accelerator suits, a nearly indestructible Hummer, and a lot of firepower, for instance, looks pretty spectacular. Alas, other parts of the film almost bored me to death.
As far as the story goes, don’t expect anything special here. In a cat-and-mouse game between good and evil, the G.I. Joes try to track down ruthless weapons manufacturer McCullen (Christopher Eccleston in a poor performance), who orders the theft of his own high-tech arms so he can teach the world a lesson.
Another thing I want to mention before I wrap this up is Sienna Miller. She may not exactly play a convincing badass villain, but she surely looks sharp in her tight clothes as the Baroness. Yes, I admit her presence may have made it a tad easier for me to sit through the whole film without throwing in the towel.
Freaky quote: "I went through the train... what happened to you?" – Marlon Wayans
The final word: “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” offers a couple of amusing moments, but all in all, I found myself unable to warm up to the film as the lame plot in front of me kept progressing. Younger audiences and Hasbro fans may get a kick out of all the senseless, mediocre action, but I just couldn’t get myself to cheer for these guys. Who knows, maybe the sequel will be better.
Article by Franck Tabouring
Reader Comments (7)
Very bad review in my opinion. Is funny to see how much you failed to understand that movie and how it's exactly how the old cartoon episodes were made. Is the glass always half empty?
punctilious post. due one detail where I quarrel with it. I am emailing you in detail.
Fair enough, that's your opinion. But there is not much to understand really, no matter how close or not it's to something else. In the end, as I always say, a review is purely a personal opinion, and in this case, it's mine.
I am a 56 year old coot and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. And I never owned any Hasbro toys!
The movie wasn't all that bad..sort of fun.
Just wish there wasn't so many changes from the original source material.
Ripcord/Scarlett angle was LAME. Scarlett should have been with Duke.
Ripcord wasn't a black man in the cartoon, Brendan Frasier should have played Ripcord.
the whole backstory on the Baroness and Cobra Commander was changed up.
Destros backstory was right on the money.
And Snake Eyes and Storm Shadows backstories were changed up a bit.
I thought the movie was good. But as a fan of the 80's cartoon one can't help but notice the changes.
Although I understand there will be change from a cartoon to a live action movie, sometimes change for the sake of change is not a good thing.
One of the worst movies I've ever seen
Ripcord was black in the comics. Scarlett either ended up with Snake Eyes or Duke in both the comics and cartoon . . . so it doesn't make sense to me that it was against the law for Hollywood to pair her with Ripcord. Also, I enjoyed the movie . . . much to my surprise.