Seen on: February 14, 2009

The players: Director: Marcus Nispel, Writers: Mark Swift, Damian Shannon, Cast: Julianna Guill, America Olivo, Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Danielle Panabaker

Facts of interest: This is yet another horror remake produced by Michael Bay.

The plot: Jason is back for more killing, and this time, he's after a bunch of rich kids who spend their weekend close to Camp Crystal Lake.

Our thoughts: Marcus Nispel’s “Friday the 13th” is yet another proof that remakes of horror flicks are completely unnecessary (of course they are). Sure, they generally boast a better visual style than the original versions, but in most cases, that’s really all you get in return for the price of admission.

Jason Voorhees’ return to the big screen is no different than most recent remakes. The film is utterly predictable, barely suspenseful, and incredibly repetitive, following a ruthless killer who spends 97 minutes tearing apart everybody who dares to enter his territory at Camp Crystal Lake.

Worse than the absence of an intriguing story line, however, are the film’s characters, which are undoubtedly among the stupidest I’ve seen on the screen in quite some time. We all know people in horror movies ALWAYS make terrible decisions, but these guys are the cream of ridiculously behaving individuals.

Another thing that really bugged me in this film is the excessive amount of moronic dialogue, which caused me to cringe every time these folks opened their mouths. I know killing is more important than talking in a horror film, but this is seriously distracting. Speaking of killings, most of them are brutal, bloody and more intriguing to watch than all the so-called jump scares, most of which fail to deliver.

“Friday the 13th” carries a solid visual style and decent production values, but that’s it. Nispel, who also directed the dreadful “Pathfinder” and 2003’s “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” obviously tries to keep the plot moving at a steady pace, but the boring script puts quite an enormous strain on his efforts.

In know this doesn’t matter much, but the cast certainly doesn’t help the flick in any way. Most of the performances are dreadful, and while the guys are busy smoking and drinking, the girls spend considerable time showing off their boobs. Yep, if you’re looking for plenty of naked breast action, this is your movie.

Freaky quote: “She's dead. People go missing around here, they're gone for good." – Rosemary Knower

The final word: Jason’s resurrection didn’t impress me at all, and there’s just nothing about this film that would make me want to recommend it to anyone. As I am writing this, “Friday the 13th” is scoring big bucks at the box office, which means we’ll certainly get to see at least one more. Too bad.

Article by Franck Tabouring