Seen on: November 19, 2009

The players: Director: James McTeigue, Writer: J. Michael Straczynski, Cast: Rain, Naomie Harris, Ben Miles, Rick Yune

Facts of interest: Produced by Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski.

The plot: Rain plays a killer ninja who escapes from his clan and becomes a target himself. He also protects a Europol agent who knows too much about the ninjas.

Our thoughts: James McTeigue’s “Ninja Assassin” is one of the most ridiculous action flicks I’ve seen in a long time. Parts of it are indeed moderately entertaining, but all in all, it’s nothing but a brainless, unnecessary big-screen mess filled with terrible dialogue, monotonous action scenes and a story as thin as your admission ticket.

Speaking of story, it’s a big failure by itself. Rain jumps into the role of Raizo, a skilled ninja raised and trained by a clan of ruthless assassins. When the clan brutally executes one of his friends, Raizo escapes from the training camp and disappears, waiting for them to track him down so he can take his revenge.

But wait! That’s not all! In Berlin, determined Europol agent Mika (Naomie Harris) is closely investigating several murders and ends up tracing them back to the same merciless ninja clan, which eventually makes her a target as well. Luckily, she runs into Raizo, who offers her protection as long as the ninjas are after them…

One thing is for sure: “Ninja Assassin” offers cinemagoers more ninjas than they can handle. I don’t know how many of them Raizo ends up killing in the end, but I guess it’s hundreds of them. No matter how many he slashes in half, they just keep coming and coming out of nowhere. It’s all pretty laughable, but none of it is really intriguing.

“Ninja Assassin” does indeed deliver a whole bunch of fast action sequences during its 90-minute running time, but much to my disappointment, most of them are incredibly monotonous. The first couple of battles are fun to look at, but it quickly gets very boring, especially because none of the fights are in the least bit suspenseful.

Countless heads, arms and legs are flying around the screen every time the badass ninjas shows up, and the amount of splattering blood we get to watch is simply enormous. Add a solid dose of terrible dialogue to all these simplistic battles, and you’ve got a repetitive, shallow ninja spectacle that works better as a comedy than an action flick.   

IMDb says the script was almost completely rewritten six weeks before filming began, and I think it really shows in the final product. I really enjoyed what McTeigue did with “V for Vendetta,” but “Ninja Assassin” is clearly a missed opportunity in terms of plot, innovation, style and even acting.

Freaky quote: "They won't stop until you're dead." - Rain

The final word: I won’t go any further than this. Die-hard ninja fans will get their money’s worth in “Ninja Assassin,” but as far as I’m concerned, this one mostly blows. No, it’s not the most boring film I’ve seen this year, but it simply lacks variety. I just felt like watching the same exact scene over and over again, and that’s not what I call entertainment.

Article by Franck Tabouring