Seen on: October 19, 2009
The players: Director: Paul Weitz, Writers: Brian Helgeland, Paul Weitz, Cast: John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia, Ray Stevenson
Facts of interest: Based on the books by Darren Shan.
The plot: A teenager visits a freak show and decides to jump on board and become a vampire, which really pisses off his best friend. A rivalry ensues...
Our thoughts: Paul Weitz’s “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” is the beginning of something we may even never get to see. It’s merely an introduction to what could be a more intriguing story, and that’s the main reason I simply couldn’t connect with this dark, periodically humorous vampire tale.
Believe it or not, but this one is clear proof that not every movie about vampires will automatically explode at the box office. In fact, “Cirque du Freak” delivered a surprisingly weak performance so far, which I believe could kill the beginning of a new franchise right there. No one saw it, and no one cares.
Yet, the film based on the books by Darren Shan sounds intriguing enough at first. Essentially, the story follows best friends Darren (Chris Massoglia) and Steve (Josh Hutcherson) as they sneak into a creepy freak show that’s currently visiting their boring town. Little to the guys know what they’re in for.
Things start getting tricky when Steve identifies one of the freaks as Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly), a 200-year-old vampire he’s previously seen in one of his books. To cut a long story short, Steve asks Larten to turn him into a vampire, but instead, Larten prefers to recruit Darren, who’s reluctant at first but eventually agrees to board the cirque.
As if things weren’t already complicated enough, Steve is pissed and feels betrayed, and before you know it, he joins the vampaneze, a group of ruthless killers who’ve been trying to exterminate the vampires for ages. With each of the boys leaving their old life behind, it’s now time for them to engage in the first big battle.
This is pretty much what you’ll get to see in “The Vampire’s Assistant.” Don’t be fooled by the end of my last paragraph though, because there’s nothing big about the few fighting scenes we get to see here. The film does announce a massive showdown between the vampires and vampaneze, but we don’t get to see it.
That’s where my opening comment comes in. “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” only serves as a tool to set up a sequel, and that’s the main reason I couldn’t stand it. The story spends an awful lot of time focusing on how our main characters join their respective groups, but none of it is particularly engaging.
Besides the lack of a proper plot that could have boosted the entertainment value of the movie, “Freak” is haunted by all kinds of other flaws. With the action kept to a minimum, the film relies heavily on dialogue, but even that’s unbearable at times. Most shockingly, these characters talk mostly like people in a bad soap opera.
In brief, “Vampire’s Assistant” is very formulaic and cheesy, and nothing works in this mess. Quotes like "It's not about what you are; it's about who you are” almost made me throw up, and I simply couldn’t find anything interesting about these characters or their conflict. They run out of blood way too early.
I appreciate Paul Weitz as a filmmaker, and I admit I really enjoyed films like “American Pie,” “ About a Boy” and even “American Dreamz.” “Cirque du Freak” boasts a decent photography, but the editing sucks big time. And while I’m at it, even the special effects in the film failed to convince me.
John C. Reilly makes this a halfway decent experience, primarily because he’s the only one in control of his character, which also turns out to be the most compelling in the entire film. His dry humor and cocky attitude works, and he even occasionally provokes a laugh. That’s all there is to say about the cast, really.
Freaky quote: "Yes, you have super spit." - John C. Reilly
The final word: Seeing this makes me appreciate the “Twilight” series more and more. It also shows me that not every vampire movie is an automatic hit. Forget “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.” It’s a boring, badly executed and all in all uninteresting adaptation I hope ends with just this one movie. The show must not go on.
Article by Franck Tabouring