Movie Review: “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant”
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 at 9:34PM | By Franck Tabouring 
Seen on: October 19, 2009
The players: Director: Paul Weitz, Writers: Brian Helgeland, Paul Weitz, Cast: John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia, Ray Stevenson
Facts of interest: Based on the books by Darren Shan.
The plot: A teenager visits a freak show and decides to jump on board and become a vampire, which really pisses off his best friend. A rivalry ensues...
Our thoughts: Paul Weitz’s “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” is the beginning of something we may even never get to see. It’s merely an introduction to what could be a more intriguing story, and that’s the main reason I simply couldn’t connect with this dark, periodically humorous vampire tale.
Believe it or not, but this one is clear proof that not every movie about vampires will automatically explode at the box office. In fact, “Cirque du Freak” delivered a surprisingly weak performance so far, which I believe could kill the beginning of a new franchise right there. No one saw it, and no one cares.
Yet, the film based on the books by Darren Shan sounds intriguing enough at first. Essentially, the story follows best friends Darren (Chris Massoglia) and Steve (Josh Hutcherson) as they sneak into a creepy freak show that’s currently visiting their boring town. Little to the guys know what they’re in for.
Things start getting tricky when Steve identifies one of the freaks as Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly), a 200-year-old vampire he’s previously seen in one of his books. To cut a long story short, Steve asks Larten to turn him into a vampire, but instead, Larten prefers to recruit Darren, who’s reluctant at first but eventually agrees to board the cirque.
As if things weren’t already complicated enough, Steve is pissed and feels betrayed, and before you know it, he joins the vampaneze, a group of ruthless killers who’ve been trying to exterminate the vampires for ages. With each of the boys leaving their old life behind, it’s now time for them to engage in the first big battle.
This is pretty much what you’ll get to see in “The Vampire’s Assistant.” Don’t be fooled by the end of my last paragraph though, because there’s nothing big about the few fighting scenes we get to see here. The film does announce a massive showdown between the vampires and vampaneze, but we don’t get to see it.
That’s where my opening comment comes in. “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” only serves as a tool to set up a sequel, and that’s the main reason I couldn’t stand it. The story spends an awful lot of time focusing on how our main characters join their respective groups, but none of it is particularly engaging.
Besides the lack of a proper plot that could have boosted the entertainment value of the movie, “Freak” is haunted by all kinds of other flaws. With the action kept to a minimum, the film relies heavily on dialogue, but even that’s unbearable at times. Most shockingly, these characters talk mostly like people in a bad soap opera.
In brief, “Vampire’s Assistant” is very formulaic and cheesy, and nothing works in this mess. Quotes like "It's not about what you are; it's about who you are” almost made me throw up, and I simply couldn’t find anything interesting about these characters or their conflict. They run out of blood way too early.
I appreciate Paul Weitz as a filmmaker, and I admit I really enjoyed films like “American Pie,” “ About a Boy” and even “American Dreamz.” “Cirque du Freak” boasts a decent photography, but the editing sucks big time. And while I’m at it, even the special effects in the film failed to convince me.
John C. Reilly makes this a halfway decent experience, primarily because he’s the only one in control of his character, which also turns out to be the most compelling in the entire film. His dry humor and cocky attitude works, and he even occasionally provokes a laugh. That’s all there is to say about the cast, really.
Freaky quote: "Yes, you have super spit." - John C. Reilly
The final word: Seeing this makes me appreciate the “Twilight” series more and more. It also shows me that not every vampire movie is an automatic hit. Forget “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.” It’s a boring, badly executed and all in all uninteresting adaptation I hope ends with just this one movie. The show must not go on.
Article by Franck Tabouring
Reader Comments (4)
I must disagree. I thought this movies was so artistically made. With all the color and music fitting together perfectly, I was very much impressed. The young actors did a superb job for being so young, it makes me wanting more! Well done to all who put in a lot of of time into this movie. Your hard work will pay off. The only down point to the movie I think was the advertisment. Not a lot of people I asked had heard of this movie. But they will truely be disappointed when they find out there is no sequels to this amazing story of freaks! Thank you!
I have to agree with the last comment, it just wasnt well advertised, the movie was intriguing and really lived up to the books, i hope for a sequel! and it was good, yes that cheesy line at the end kinda dunked it down a bit but it didnt make the movie any less better
I think your right,
I aspected more from the movie,
But i did like it some way ;)
I just were thinking: let a next movie be better. Than i can live with it.
I tought the humor in the movie was funny, but its just my kind of humor :P
Greetzz,,
Here is my point of view on the movie. I admit there are some funny parts. It did make me laugh here and there. But I still hate it even more than the fact that prison inmates get better food than public schools do. That aside, I just really hate how the story was changed so much. Was this supposed to be a low budget film or something? First off, at least in my opinion, most of the characters did not look like they were described in the books. Crepsley. There is supposed to be a long scar running down his eye. In the movie its just like 3 little scars on his cheek. He's supposed to have a crop of orange hair yet in the movie he has a full head of hair that doesn't even look orange, maybe like dark red, so dark it kinda looks brown or black. Mr. Tiny! Okay maybe the fact that he was a heavy set man went ok. The books describe him as a plump man with white hair who wears a lime or bright green suit with yellow rain boots. Yet in the movie he was bald and in a black tux like suit. Did he even have the heart shaped watch he is always fiddling with in the storys? And more majorly I guess, what the hell with the fight at the end between Darren and Steve? Darren does not encounter steve until some years later, when steve is all grown up. Also, whats with the monkey girl? In the storys Darren's supposed girlfriend was a dark skinned girl named Debbie. There are just too many things to list. Those who have read the books will know all the wrong things with this. I seriously wished they could've spent more time on it. Hopefully it will be like the batman movies and they will redo all the Cirque Du Freak movies if more than one are even made.