Review: “My Bloody Valentine 3-D”

Seen on: January 16, 2009

The players: Director: Patrick Lussier, Writers: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith, Cast: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Tom Atkins, Betsy Rue

Facts of interest: Remake of George Mihalka's 1981 "My Bloody Valentine."

The plot: A killer with a miner's mask and a pickaxe takes great pleasure in brutally murdering everyone he encounters.

Our thoughts: Ever wanted to see a buck-naked woman being pursued by a psycho killer in 3D? Or what about plenty of sharp objects flying straight into your face? These are just a few things you’ll experience in Patrick Lussier’s remake “My Bloody Valentine 3-D,” the first live-action, big-screen horror flick to open in Real 3D.

Ten years have passed since the shocking massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people in the mining town of Harmony, and although people haven’t forgotten what happened on that Valentine’s Day, they’ve learned to move on. But when one of the survivors of the tragedy suddenly returns to Harmony to take care of some family business, the bloody terror starts all over again…

That’s all you need to know about the story at this point, so let’s get straight to what this film is all about: the 3D. And wow! It’s bloody fantastic! In a nutshell, this is undoubtedly the best Real 3D I’ve seen on the big screen so far. This is quite simply an awesome technology that makes for an exciting viewing experience, and I truly wish the scripts of these 3D movies were just as flawless as their looks.

Anyway, “My Bloody Valentine 3-D” carries plenty of crazy gore for the fans, and I admit some of these stylish 3D effects are just freaking cool. On the other hand, it’s also pretty obvious the film would quickly fall apart without the 3D technology. The plot is never really scary, some of the usual shock effects fall flat, and even the main story line as a whole is hardly surprising and not very exciting.

Overall, the film could have been a lot more frightening. Most of the dialogue you’ll hear is just plain ridiculous, the characters are among the stupidest possible, and the action remains monotonous throughout. The quick, sadistic kills are entertaining only in the beginning, and the lack of suspense and a clever intrigue eventually damage the plot more than I expected.

Although it doesn’t really matter in this case, the acting disappointed me as well. Working with lame dialogue while trying to come across as authentic is not an easy task, and none of the cast members really stand out (except the naked girl, of course).

Freaky quote: “Hello?" – Jaime King

The final word: In the end, “My Bloody Valentine 3-D” is a decent enough horror remake thanks to its undeniable 3D coolness. Without it, however, this would just be another disappointing remake. If you’ve never experienced Real 3D and you enjoy horror flicks, check it out and I’m sure you’ll have a good time.

Article by Franck Tabouring