Seen on: August 29, 2008

The players: Director: Deb Hagan, Writers: Dan Callahan, Adam Ellison, Cast: Andrew Caldwell, Drake Bell, Kevin Covais, Alona Tal, Camille Mana

Facts of interest: Yeah, it's the Kevin Covais from "American Idol."

The plot: Three high school seniors don't know what they are in for when they visit a college campus to get drunk and get laid.

Our quick thoughts: This year’s summer season at the movies is coming to an end, and to thank us for rushing to some of the biggest blockbusters instead of spending our time lying by the pool, studios are now quickly and quietly releasing a bunch of trashy flicks not many of us really want to see. Well, thanks!

One of these disastrous failures is Deb Hagan’s directorial debut “College,” a primitive teen comedy about three moronic high school seniors who experience the best weekend of their lives when they visit a college campus as prospective freshmen.

Kevin (Drake Bell) is the boring photographer who gets dumped by his girlfriend because he’s not doing anything fun. Morris (Kevin Covais) is the nerd who buries his head in books because he got a scholarship and doesn’t want to disappoint his parents. As for Carter (Andrew Caldwell), he’s the fat kid who just wants to get drunk and get laid.

Now, what do you think happens when you send these three friends on a weekend trip to a college where the guys are horny bastards and the chicks pretty much stick their tongues into everything they can find? In this movie, you get 94 minutes of scatological jokes, naked breasts and embarrassingly terrible dialogue.

And that’s definitely all you get for the price of admission. “College” is a vulgar and as disgusting as a film of this genre can get, failing to come up with anything remotely funny or innovative. Instead, the film seems to be taking immense pleasure of stealing scenes from other similars (i.e. “American Pie,” “Accepted” and “Old School”).

Anyway, the script by Dan Callahan and Adam Ellison is worthless, and the characters they generated are neither interesting nor hilarious. Our three high schoolers spend most of the flick trying to hook up with girls while struggling to resists the stupid attacks by the fraternity guys, and that’s not exactly entertaining.

There’s not much to say about the cast either. Drake Bell, Andrew Caldwell and “American Idol” contestant Kevin Covais do their best to come across as three naïve idiots who think college is all about partying, although I don’t think it requires much talent to act drunk and talk garbage. Other performances go unnoticed.

Freaky quote: “No man, this is College." – Andrew Caldwell

The final word: Parents should not worry about the portrayal of college life in the film, because most of what you or your kids see on the big screen is just purely unrealistic. People who can’t imagine a life without repulsive toilet jokes will probably get a laugh out of this crap, but everyone with a stable brain and a little bit of intelligence will know “College” is not worth the time or money.     

Article by Franck Tabouring