What you should rent this week, and what you shouldn't
Heather Provost
Heather returns with an all-new edition of her weekly column "What you should rent, and what you shouldn't." Last week, she exceptionally told her readers to get two flicks and skip none, but that's history. This week, Heather talks about a mystical creature and a ruthless barber. Before I let you dive in and then run to your closest video store, always remember that Heather knows exactly what you should pick and what you should skip.
Skip it: "The Waterhorse: Legend Of The Deep"
This is what it is: Angus MacMorrow (Alex Etel) finds a mysterious egg on the shores of Loch Ness. He watches it hatch into the amazing creature he names Crusoe, and struggles to keep the secret from his mother (Emily Watson), and even the Scottish government. "The Waterhorse" is a family-friendly film based on Dick King-Smith's children's novel.
My always strong and quite often, brilliant opinion: I love movies that have humans befriending cool mystical critters. They make me happy... uh, usually. "Waterhorse," however, did not make me happy.
It's not all bad, by any means. I will give it this: there is a strong sense of place and time. It takes place during World War II Scotland, and gives you the feeling that you are really there. The cinematography is just beautiful. And I also liked that it's about the Loch Ness Monster. I've always been fascinated by that, so that was definitely enjoyable.
The visual effects are fine. Except, you always kind of know you're looking at something unreal. Yes, Crusoe is a mythical creature and technically "not real," but that's not what I mean. Crusoe has that weird, "can't put your finger on it, but something's not right" kind of look sometimes. You know, like the women on those TV shows "The Swan" or "Extreme MakeOver" after they've had all of that plastic surgery done to their faces. They always look a little "off" and almost like aliens. I'm just saying; that's what I mean by "not real."
The performances are fine as well; the acting is always better when it's done by a British actor, right? That always brings a little class to a picture. Then again, there's nothing really captivating here. Oh, and just so you know, some scenes may be a bit scary for the very young viewers.
Sure, I Ioved watching the relationship develop between Angus and Crusoe. I enjoy those "coming of age with your non-human friend" films. Some of the scenes are even quite touching. Yeah, it definitely sucked me in, and I quickly got attached. Unfortunately, I hated the ending of this movie. It made me think, "That's how they're gonna end this!? I think I'm mad at them now, and even slightly depressed."
"The Waterhorse" was a downer for me. There's just too much sad in this flick. Whether it's the story line involving Angus's father, or the main plot line involving Crusoe, had they come through with a fabulous ending, I would have been fine. In the end, however, they dropped the ball, and my opinion of the film was hinging on that. So unless this is a film you are absolutely dying to see, skip it. I didn't hate it. It just disappointed me. And I sure don't want any of you sinking into a dark abyss of depression because I told you to see it. And then you'll have to get on meds. And then you'll get addicted to those meds. And then you'll have to go to rehab to get off the meds... and then... look, I just can't handle all of that responsibility. I only want you happy.
The final word: Because I snacked on my favorite little Sour Patch Kids while viewing this, I will give it 2 3/4 Sour Patch Kids out of 5. I only eat the red and orange ones for crying out loud... that didn't leave me with much. Cripes.
Get it: "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street"
This is what it is: Johnny Depp (in an Oscar-nominated role) plays Sweeney Todd, a man who seeks revenge after being falsely imprisoned. He becomes a deranged killer and teams up with his friend, Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), who bakes his victims' bodies into meat pies - the best pies in London. Tim Burton directs this adaptation of the famous Broadway musical.
My always strong and quite often, brilliant opinion: Being in musical theatre most of my life, I am quite familiar with "Sweeney Todd" (the Broadway musical). I've always loved the music, though it's never been a favorite show of mine. But I have many colleagues who swear the show is one of the greatest ever written - Sondheim snobs, if you will... oh they're out there - hah! - and they know who they are. Many of them were disappointed with the film version. I, on the other hand, was not. I really liked it.
I thought the gloomy world Burton created was incredible. The colors, the characters and the set look great. Burton tells this story brilliantly, and for the first time in my life, I understood every word of it. Personally, I would rather watch an actor sing a song (as long as it's on pitch) instead of a singer singing it. So what if keys have to be changed? I'd rather see someone really connect to the lyrics, than watch someone just trying to make pretty sounds. Which brings me to Johnny Depp. Wow, how lucky are we to have this actor? His attention to detail is like no other, and he even managed to make his demon barber likeable. I really cared about Sweeney, but I was terrified of him as well. He is utterly captivating in this film.
On the other hand, Helena Bonham Carter didn't do it for me. I felt that she sucked the funny right out of a lot of her stuff. "Worst Pies In London" can be hilarious when done well, but it just wasn't. For me, she was basically giving you "Bellatrix Lestrange" - the character she played in the last Harry Potter installment. But what can you do, she's living with the director for crying out loud... she's entitled to some perks. All you have to do is mess her hair up like she likes to do, and shove her on the set. All in all, she delivered an average performance. I didn't hate her. I just didn't like her either. I have to admit though that she grew on me throughout the film. So by the end, I was able to forgive her for "Worst Pies."
Sacha Baron Cohen (who plays Signor Adolfo Pirelli), Alan Rickman (Judge Turpin), and Timothy Spall (Beadle Bamford) were all standouts. Jayne Wisener (Johanna) and Jamie Campbell Bower (Anthony) playing the ingenues were weak. As for Johanna, if they couldn't get someone who can sing, they should've at least gotten someone who can act. I also felt Anthony had more interest in Johanna's shoes, make-up and dresses instead of having genuine interest in the girl.
Stage musicals transitioning to the screen these days are a tough sell to me. I love musical theater, and I love film. And for the two to work together, something really special needs to happen. On screen, I like real stories being told. And people breaking into song every 12 minutes doesn't lend itself to realism. Musical numbers tend to fall flat, performances are odd, and it just usually ends up being one big pile of "what the?!" "Sweeney Todd" is one of those where something really special happens. It's thoroughly entertaining, suspenseful, and a wonderful partnering of these incredible art forms. So, if you aren't a Sondheim snob, I can almost guarantee you won't be disappointed.
The final word: Because I snacked on my favorite little Sour Patch Kids while viewing this, I will give it 4 3/4 Sour Patch Kids out of 5. I better not get those little bumps on my tongue now from when I eat too much sour stuff. Those damn things hurt.
Reader Comments (7)
Totally agree with you this week, although I have not see The Waterhorse yet.
i agree with your movie reviews!!!!!
i love the "I enjoy those "coming of age with your non-human friend" films." and "I also felt Anthony had more interest in Johanna's shoes, make-up and dresses instead of having genuine interest in the girl." lines.......very funny and very true!
To Franck...
tisk,tisk, tisk!
Agreeing on a movie you haven't seen yet.
I thought I taught you better....
jpt
Waterhorse, I did enjoy and felt that the ending was appropriate, though bittersweet...Sweeney was great...also a music theatre type here, and I found the ablility of film to convey each lyric so clearly was a benefit. Johnny Depp...wow..how does he do that? And I found the world of the movie strangely stark, eerie and inviting all at the same time. So strange how the two feelings can be evoked. But what an incredible film. I never quite recovered from Mrs Lovett's fate, though. Damn...
Great article...your style is fun and smart...concise and clear. Thanks.
I love reading your stuff. It always makes me laugh. Thank you for that. I agree completely. Waterhorse depressed me, too. I was surprised that I liked Sweeney as much as I did. Looking forward to the next one from you, as always. Are you still taking suggestions? There are a few I'd like your opinion on before I waste my time.
I am totally with you on "Sweeney Todd." I thought that I was going to hate it and when I left the theatre I was happily surprised. I agree that Johnny Depp is brilliant and he really can do no wrong for me. I felt he was consistent in his performance and I appreciate that. Helena started out as a disappointment for me as well and then as the movie went on, I began to like her a lot actually.Right on again as always! You rock!
Sweeney Todd = garbage