"10,000 B.C."

Seen on: March 7, 2008

The players: Director: Roland Emmerich, Writers: Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser, Cast: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis, Omar Shariff, Timothy Barlow

Facts of interest: Budgeted at $75 million.

The plot: Set in 10,000 B.C., the film focuses on D'Leh, a mammoth hunter who will travel to the end of the world to free his tribe and rescue the love of his life. 

Our quick thoughts: Roland Emmerich’s latest big-budget blockbuster is a disastrous bore. In “10,000 B.C.,” he refrains from destroying the earth and travels back in time instead, telling the story of a young mammoth hunter’s voyage to ensure the future of his tribe and free his tribe and rescue the love of his life. How original!

While Emmerich’s previous flicks “Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow” were somewhat entertaining and succeeded in building up a decent amount of suspense, “10,000 B.C.” is quite simple tedious and uninspiring. The script (written by Emmerich and composer Harald Kloser) is undoubtedly the main source of all the flaws in the film, offering nothing but a blatant 107-minute chase from the mountains through the jungle and all the way into the desert. In a nutshell, it’s the typically simplistic story of the chosen hero fighting prehistoric predators and battling his worst enemies. We’ve been there, seen that.    

I’m in no position to comment on the historical accuracy of the film (I even doubt there is any), but nobody will probably care anyway. “10,000 B.C.” is laden with xenophobic stereotypes, and out heroes surprisingly speak excellent English (who would go watch a subtitled blockbuster?). On top of that, the characters lack development, and most of the dialogues are flat-out ridiculous. “Do not eat me when I set you free,” our main hero tells a saber-toothed tiger. You get the picture.

Now, in terms of action and computer-generated effects, the movie looks more like a combination of “Pathfinder” and Mel Gibson’s “Apocalypto.” But whereas Gibson pulled off a dose of dazzling eye candy, “10,000 B.C.” is not necessarily a visual extravaganza. Sure, the mammoths look pretty authentic, but the saber-toothed tiger and those aggressive birds didn’t convince me. Quite frankly, the most impressive scenes are gorgeous helicopter shots of the New Zealand mountains and the Namibian desert. I counted about two decent action sequences in the entire film, with the big showdown being one of the most banal I have ever seen.

Besides Steven Strait and Camilla Belle, the cast of “10,000 B.C.” is relatively unknown. Strait previously starred in “The Covenant” and delivers a decent performance as lead character D’Leh. The script fails to give him much to work with, and I don’t know whether running, jumping and screaming really requires great acting skills. Belle, whose credits include “The Ballad of Jack and Rose,” stars as D’Leh’s love Evolet, who is kidnapped early on by the evil Arabs. She’s got beautiful blue eyes but doesn’t say much during the film. It’s probably for the best anyway.

Freaky quote: "As one!” – Steven Strait

The final word: Emmerich has always scored solid box office results, and I’m sure “10,000 B.C.” won’t stop him from doing it again. I only hope he’ll return to destroying the world again in his next project. Although his previous apocalyptic thrillers are not necessarily best picture candidates, they’re surely a lot more engrossing than this dragging yawn of prehistoric nonsense.