Ten Worst Films of 2007
Franck Tabouring
The year is coming to a close fast enough, so let’s take a quick look at which movies definitely sucked in 2007. Narrowing down bad movies is so much harder than compiling a top ten best list, but here are the ones that really wasted my time. Well, try to enjoy…
10. THE EXPushed back several months and renamed I don’t know how many times, this embarrassing comedy starring Zach Braff, Amanda Peet and Jason Bateman is at once offensive, extremely boring and quite simply not funny. A slacker picking a fight with a talented guy in a wheelchair just doesn’t sound right, and the hope for improvement is lost early on in the film already. As for decent acting performances, there are none. Zach Braff is more disappointing than ever and should definitely return to making delightful movies. Box office results speak for themselves as well, as “The Ex” barely earned $3 million.
9. DELTA FARCEI know this one should probably top the list instead of being listed at the bottom, but some of the films in this selection are even worse than “Delta Farce.” The story of three retarded Army reservists mistakenly invading Mexico is offensive enough, but I strongly believe the film could have been slightly better (or less horrible) without Larry The Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and DJ Qualls. They all offer tremendously bad performances and never really pull a joke, and the only thing I could think of during this film is how pleasurable it would be to just punch them all in the face all day long. The script is a real mess, the humor rather disgusting and the action ridiculously dreadful. Mission failed buddies!
8. ARE WE DONE YET? Ice Cube sticks to his tradition and keeps signing on to star in awful comedies. “Are We There Yet?” topped my list of worst films of 2005, but the movie eventually collected a frightening $82 million at the box office (don’t ask me how and why). This year we had to sit through the sequel “Are We Done Yet?,” and guess what, it’s even worse than its predecessor. Boring from the first scene to the last, this latest Ice Cube vehicle is the epitome of a crippled family comedy that fails to entertain and steals all the hope for a genre that deserves a better treatment. Are we seriously done with this garbage yet?
7. EPIC MOVIEWhere do I even begin? This film really makes you want to despise Hollywood and never set foot in a movie theater again. I know there is absolutely nothing to expect from a comedy desperately trying to spoof the year’s most popular blockbusters, but “Epic Movie” is as worse as it can get. The humor depicted in the film is shameful, monotonous and utterly embarrassing, and scatological jokes and disturbing profanity dominate most of the plot, eliminating any chance for originality. Depressing…
6. THE CONDEMNEDHere’s another one that’s mostly unbearable to sit through. Featuring pro wrestler Steve Austin as a ruthless killing machine, this lackluster action thriller makes the inexcusable mistake of denouncing violence while glorifying it at the same time. “The Condemned” is definitely the worst WWE film to date, stealing most of its ideas from Kinji Fukasaku's smash hit “Battle Royale.” All this disappointing flick has to offer are brutal scenes of rape and torture, and it sure isn’t pretty or suspenseful. It’s dreadful filmmaking at its best.
5. DEAD SILENCE
I respected James Wan after he directed the first “Saw,” but after seeing “Dead Silence,” most of my faith in him vanished. The film lacks suspense and clever writing, and not one of the countless shock moments made me jump out of my seat. Horror movies are hard to make these days because we’ve almost seen everything the genre has to offer, but as far as “Dead Silence” goes, it’s a real mess. Rather than sitting all engaged and wondering how the story would unfold, all I could do is yawn and check my watch. And that, in a horror thriller, is a very bad sign. It’s a waste of time and money.
4. MR. WOODCOCK
It’s been a while since Sean William Scott appeared on the big screen, but I didn’t expect his return to be this messed up. I really loved watching him in “Evolution,” but in Craig Gillespie’s boring comedy “Mr. Woodcock,” he’s incredibly annoying. Plus, the humor of the film never reaches past enervating slapstick and dippy dialogue, which disrupts almost every of the filmmakers' multiple attempts to inject the story with emotions and properly develop the main characters. Not even Billy Bob Thornton manages to deliver a credible performance. Woodcock, you’re fired!
3. GOOD LUCK CHUCK
Welcome to the top three. Before we take a look at the worst of the worst of the year, here’s “Good Luck Chuck,” a definite failure that tries to be a cute romantic comedy on many occasions, but never achieves its goal due to the overuse of sexually explicit scenes and pornographic dialogue. A notable chemistry between Dane Cook and Jessica Alba is nonexistent, and she also has a hard time trying to act clumsy. If it weren’t for her compelling looks, one could argue she has been badly miscast. Worth watching only if you want to know how to make love to a stuffed penguin.
2. THE GAME PLAN
Audiences actually flocked to this disastrous Walt Disney production, but to me, it is just another dud in a series of disappointing live-action family films. Clocking in at 113 minutes, which is too long for a movie targeting a young audience, Andy Fickman’s comedy recycles old material from similar storylines, which only leads to a dreary plot lacking magic and refreshing humor. For the most part, the plot is predictable and no fun, trying to be really sweet but unequivocally failing to do so. And casting The Rock as a quarterback obsessed with Elvis? Nooooooo…
1. THE COMEBACKS
It’s official! “The Comebacks” are the biggest losers of 2007! Much in the tradition of “Epic Movie” and “Date Movie,” this disgusting bore of a film desperately tries to spoof inspirational sports movies including “Coach Carter” and “Radio.” In the role of Coach Fields, who tries to convert a bunch of college retards into football champs, David Koechner also earns my award for worst actor in the world. The humor is mostly embarrassing, the jokes fall flat, the characters run around like monkeys most of the time and the only thing the film relies on is embarrassing slapstick and idiotic dialogue. The movie clocks in at only 84 minutes, but the film seems like an eternity. What a crappy comeback!
Almost made the cut: Fred Claus, Halloween, P2, Feast of Love, Dragon Wars, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Next, Norbit, Wild Hogs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Cleaner, Daddy’s Little Girls
Reader Comments (4)
Not gonna lie, I haven't seen ANY of these movies. And, judging by these reviews, I'm not going to! Thanks for the advice, Franck. I can now take the cash that I was going to spend on seeing movies and buy a stuffed penguin.
Have you seen that trailer for "Meet the Spartans"? Looks just like the shitty "Epic Movie", only worse.
I am glad to say i haven't seen any of these flicks. But then i haven't heard of them! Which begs the question, why kick a dog when it's down? Isn't it better to list the worst films that SOME people actually thought were decent, eg. (my vote for worst film of 2007): SOUTHLAND TALES?
Truth is, a lot of people found some of these decent enough to earn them solid money at the box office. List such as these, as every rating basically, mostly reflect personal opinion. You hated "Southland Tales" for instance, while I am sure I was the only one at Cannes who was really impressed by what I saw.